Obligatory, 5.1.16; Not so random thoughts in the morning

This post may be a rather somber one, so be forewarned.  If that kind of thing is not your cup of tea, then leave now.  I'd rather not bother anyone unnecessarily.  Yet, I think being bothered a bit is not necessarily such a bad thing.  But if you can't bother about being bothered, then you might want to go someplace else.

Right off the bat, I am feeling my age.  Just five and a half years ago, I was in much better health than I'm in now.  Back then, I'd get to feeling bad for a few days, and that was it.  Now, it seems like the normal thing to be battling one ailment or another every single day.  It makes me want to reflect upon the end, if you catch my drift.

Life is short.  Once you see an end to it all, you may want to get things in order.  However, while things are still good, and you have your health, getting things in order may be the last thing on your mind.  I know that has been true for me, anyway.

One thing to do is to clear away old grudges.  How many times have I heard that "life is too short for grudges", only to turn around and start nursing one.  My last grudge was against my Mom for what she said to me.  This wasn't terribly long before her death.  I had barely reconciled with her when she died, and I still felt the sting of what she said.  Now it seems not to matter at all, and it even seems silly to have felt that way anyway.

But that grudge was nothing in comparison with one that might have gotten me killed.  If that sounds melodramatic, perhaps it is.  Especially for a character like myself, who could have been conjured out of the poem by T.S. Eliot.  It was a sexual rivalry of sorts, two dudes squaring off because of a girl, and I backed down.  But not without some very bad feelings.  I have never said this before, but murder entered my mind.  I don't know about him, but it did seem like for awhile there that I was getting death threats.  As a consequence of this, I bought a pistol.  Never before had I felt like I needed a gun, but if the right circumstance had occurred, I just might have used one.  That circumstance may have been just a hair from occurring.

What about now?  Well, that was perhaps the most bitter moment of my life.  I had to swallow it down, but it was bitter as gall.  After all these years, I'd still like to get even with that dude, but it may be better to just forget about it.  Life is getting short for me, sure enough.  I don't have time for this.

If anyone is reading this, what do you get from it?  Maybe most people who read it may get a small bit of entertainment value out of it.  It is so exciting, some may think.  Others may think it rather amusing.  Still others may be horrified, yet they won't look away.

I have tried on this blog to give my thoughts to whoever may listen.  But that is not the road to popularity.  In the final analysis, there doesn't seem to much you can do about the bad things in the world.  In the end, maybe you can do something about your own messes.

That is all.