Angry

Yesterday, I ended my day in the most foul mood.  Yet, it seemed to be for no reason at all.  Nothing really bad happened, yet I was pissed.

The worst of it all was that I finished my day at about 7 pm.  So, I dragged my tired butt back home and ate a late supper.  I was at least glad to be home and able to work on what I care about.  I think that is what was making me mad.  I had to spend all my time, nearly all my time that I have available, working on a job that pays too little and demands too damned much.

I get that way sometimes.  Here I am, a fairly intelligent person, I'd say.  And I'm doing this menial labor.  I feel that I was born for far better things than this.  Another aspect of my anger.

The result of this is that I was a hair's width away from quitting my job.  But I can't quit.  I need the money.

So, I got to thinking about things, as I am inclined to do.  Basically, I'm being pulled in two different directions.  It's like the saying " a man cannot serve two masters."  I'm trying to serve the master of this world, which I am coming to hate, and the little world I want to build for myself, but for which I have so little time.   When I got home, I realized the difference.  I am coming to really enjoy the work that I am doing on "da Ranch", and I am really coming to despise the things I have to do in order to make a buck in this world I am living in now.  I resented having to spend so much of my precious time doing things that I no longer respect.

Why the disrespect?

The thing that kept me late last night was the fact that a big rush came at the last part of the day.  The day starts off really slow.  It was nearly 11 o'clock before I started on my second delivery.  Usually, I like to do about 10 per day.  So, it was really, really slow.  Mind you, when I am not working, I don't make money.  So, just standing by costs me precious time when I can't make money, and I cannot do anything on "da Ranch".  Then this rush comes and keeps me out late.  It pisses me off no end.  I get no respect from the customers who call in this stuff at such a late hour.

Not only that, but this city is making it harder and harder to get around the downtown area.  It used to be easier.  They put in these "choo choo" trains, which is a pet project of the lefties, which doesn't do anything but clog up traffic and take up space.  Also, they saw fit to change the loading zones that used to exist for delivery guys like me.  Now you can't park around there.  So, there I was.  Trying to make deliveries downtown in the middle of rush hour, where's there's nowhere to park, and I'm wasting time trying to find places to park.  These requirements for doing my job are being imposed upon me for no good reason, and I resent it.  My anger builds as I lose time doing things that shouldn't take so much time.

Here I am serving a master that has no consideration for me at all, and wishing to be somewhere else better, but no, I had to be where I was.  Yes, I am stuck with it for now.  There isn't much of a choice.  That too makes me resentful.

The way I am is that I won't say anything while the anger builds.  But when it blows up, it is like Mount St. Helens.  I was just about to "blow" yesterday.

Hopefully, today won't be like that.  Keep your sense of humor.  This one is a bit sly, so it fits my mood this early morning.  I'm like Bill Murray's character, I'm going to blow up the golf course ( bwah, hah hah!) :