Obligatory, 10.6.17

There are so many thoughts, it's hard to keep them organized, and presented in posts that are readable.  Consequently, I have spent a bit more effort on this post, than what is usually my custom.  I made an outline first, and then filled it in with what I wanted to write about.

I'm not following the news as is my custom; instead, I will write about things closer to home.  Therefore, it is somewhat different than the usual fare on this blog.  It will largely about me.  I don't know how interesting that subject may prove to be, but here it is, just the same.

I guess this post will be largely about my struggles as of late.  My main struggle is with my health, as I have cancer.  Today, I am supposed to call for my results of the latest MRI.  It will tell in more detail how the proton therapy has gone.  First indications are encouraging.  The doctor went over some of the images while I was still in Irving.  But, it wasn't the whole picture.  Later today, I will be finding out more about those.

Another struggle is with the poverty that has ensued from this disability.  I never did have much money.  Now, I have none at all.  Indeed, it seems that I keep sliding deeper and deeper into debt.  Despite all my efforts to rein in spending, and even to go back to work, this trouble seems never- ending.  I spoke with a financial counselor at Irving, and she said "don't worry about it, just get well."  But once I get well, will the worry about the bills will make me sick all over again?

Getting well could be the key after all.  Maybe I can earn my way out of this mess.  At the moment, that seems most unlikely.  It is mostly a challenge to do much work at all.

All of this is related to what I really want to do.  I don't want to be all consumed with my health and finances.  I'd like to focus in on my "moonshot".  But the moonshot gets pushed back and back and back.  It has been three years since I began the project in earnest, and I'm still not out there.

In the meantime, I am struggling with things I am likely to encounter out there.  One thing that there is abundance of in this place is ants.  Seems like I am always fighting against another infestation, as I have found another bunch of these nasty little critters on my Coleman cooler.  So, out it goes, and I look for the ant trail to see where they got in.  It is hard to find, so that is what makes this so confounding.  It doesn't take much for them to find a way in.  I have done a lot to keep them at bay, but it is always temporary.  They are relentless.

I got lazy this morning, or otherwise, I'd be working.  Now I am fighting these confounded ants again.

In the nighttime, when the battles against the ants and whatnot, I am inclined to read.  Perhaps the news, but last night was a bit different.  I re-read the book Four Witnesses, which is about the early Church.  The ancient Romans were really not much different than we are.  That is a warning for those who think about these things.  Of course, I have mentioned this rather extensively on this blog.  Indeed, it is why I began this blog in the first place.

Our society seems to have taken a lot of missteps in my lifetime.  But is it too late to change and turn back to a better path?

That is what the "moonshot" is about.  Perhaps I will get the opportunity to finish this project.  But circumstances seem to be going against it.

The struggle goes on.  It won't end until I do, I suppose.